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November 13th, 2006

what is love

i thought i was in love so many times but i don't ever think it was anything to jump about ... i don't think i know what love is i don't think i want to either if a crush hurts that much i can imagine what love is like ....
i have been in love with (well crushing) on this guy (omar) for about two years now and this past weekend i kinda hit on him big time it wasn't bad or anything he didn't complain at the time and what not then we talked the next day and (oh no we didn't sleep together if that crossed your mind) i told him i was b i guess more into girls now then guys ... but i don't think he took it so well ... he said he found out the lowdown on me ... what does that mean? and i he kept sending weird texts then stoped when i asked him to explain ... does this mean he was talking to someone about me and he "thinks he knows" about me now ... wow if he would have asked i would have told him anything ... i had a dream about him last night we were together and had a baby girl who was three and i was pregnet with another one ... yup weird ... i thought so but it'll all a dream ... thats why it's a crush right ...

October 22nd, 2006

old friends ..

so yesterday i ran into a lot of my old friends frist i saw KELSEY ... i miss him a lot but he's doing good and said he'd come see me at school to cut his hair .. i hope so well i saw him at spirit ... then i saw SCOTT WARD at academy ... yup i miss him too and then i saw scott soething else at academy too i used to smoke with him ... then i went to grayson and i manny he's part of the brothers of flame and they have a great show by the way go check them out whoever reads this at grayson .... the haunted house sucks but they are cool ... then solarr called me today witch was great i love hearing from him when he calls ... i alwasy wonder what would be huh ... well you know everything happens for a reason ... but yeah well it was cool running into people and what not now if only i could get another job i'll be set ... yup any ideas people ... didn't think so ...

October 3rd, 2006

my family

you know i thought school would be great i mean it is i love cutting hair and somtimes nails depending on the day ... but i really think i'm tired of the lack of support from my family it sucks when all you want is them to maybe go see you or even get a hair cut or something ... but it's cool i understand when it's all i've ever gotten from them is the lack of support henc why i don't play basketball anymore ... i don't know maybe i'm not used to it and i die a little every time my mom asks out loud where's she going to go when yvonne leaves ... but i guess it's all good maybe i didn't want to do this forever maybe it's just one of those things that you go through to get to what you really want to do i don't know but i guess i'm going to school on time .. and with nobody waiting on me ...

i miss aj ...

October 1st, 2006

well ...

sometimes i think even though i'm the youngest in my family i'm the most grown up in a way i grown up so different that my sisters i'm so out there compared to them and when my sister talks to me about her and her boyfriend i just think that wow your still stuck in high school when are you gonna grow up ... sad right but i love em a lot ... you know i always thought i'd end up with someone that would take care of me that would always be here for me through whatever and would be stable to be with forever i never thought i'd be where i was about four years ago ... dating someone that is in jail that doesn't have a good job for shit that is going nowhere that has a san already ... wow i never thought i'd be someone wiht half a family already i mean maybe it wouldn't bother me if thay were more of a parent but i don't know how i feel about picking up peices of a family and trying to put me in there ... i want my own family i want my own life i want my own things i want to be stable and on my own and away from san antonio ... i don't know about this girl i'm dating i really don't i think i should be done with school in june of next year and i hope that i will be i think i'm move about august f next year we'll see ... i don't want to move by myself but you know untill i find someone that i can really trust i won't go .... yup i really think i'll go anyway ... but yeah ... oh well ... i dont know for now i just want things to be over with i want her out of jail i want things to go back to normal and i want to figure things out and be happy and talk to solarr and shee justin and find out what ever happened to micheal from ohio ... and i want to see my nephew and i want to be with my grandma and take away all her apin and be somewhere i can drive ten minutes and see a different house then the one next to it ... for now i'm content with who i know witch is not very many people but i am i have no need to know anybody else i can't take the drama ... i still don't know who slashed my tires and that bothers me a lot and the fact that my dad ramed my car with my momma's car ... wow my poor baby huh she's been through a lot and i'm sad about that ... but you know how that goes ... but i think i'm done with my bitching now ...

August 20th, 2006

i'm blah

well it's been awhile scence i've been here and i don't know if anybody reads this anyway ... but i'm fed up with amber and aj i don't want a girlfriend and i don't want my tires to be slashed everytime i get into it with amber and i can caree less how aj feels about me right now untill she does something with her life ... i don't want to be anybody with a kid not to be mean but i mean i don't thats that i can't see why sloarr can't be my friend on myspace ... i don't know why i pretend not to be in love with jen ... i don't know my sister is happy though with erik who i worked with hahaha ... he's cool ... but i don't know paige has made me so happy she bought me a box with a lot of things that she knows about me and that make me really happy up ... i love it ... but again i don't want a girlfriend i want a friend i want to go out i want things to be like they were before me and amber go together ... butoh well maybe me and amber will end up together who knows ... i know i'ma move though up north and be by my family up there up ... i love it up north .... blah to all

April 27th, 2006

what's going on ..

wow i just relized how much i fucking love jen but yeah i'm with amber and it's so hard to keep a relationship ... it's just like being with chris i hate it and i don't know what to do i don't want to be alone and i don't want to be with her and i don't want to be in san antonio and i don't feel like i have my friends anymore and i don't think i'm any good at school and i don't know what to think right now i wish i was drunk ... i really do ... i don't know whats going on with me i think i'm not were i want to be in life and it's killing me and i hate it i don't want to be with someone thats not going anywere in life i don't want to be a bum i dan't want to have to ask for someone to do things for me and i don't want to have to tell them every ten minutes that i love em or whatever it sucks ass ... anyway i just wanted to vent i need to focus on school more you know .... whatever I'M A LOSER ...

April 14th, 2006

i just relized


March 23rd, 2006


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February 15th, 2006

girls girls girls

well so much for haveing a good start to a new begining huh ... i don't now what to write really but they say my attitude is inproving at work huh it's crazy trying to be fake all the time it sucks .... well i don't know schools cool i like it and i don't like when people leave comments and they don't have a name and it sucks ass i don't know who you are "friend" i don't and i don't know who you are and that you did call me because there is no name please people use common scence ... i can't read minds here and if you didn't call me you still haven't i bet and i don't know if i even talk to you anymore because i know i don't call nobody ... well anyway peace

January 18th, 2006

wow kinda true

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||| 62%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 62%
Schizotypal |||||||||||| 46%
Antisocial |||||||||||||| 54%
Borderline |||||||||||||||| 66%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 50%
Narcissistic |||||||||||| 42%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Dependent |||||||||||| 50%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||||| 70%
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